A Soldier’s Theory of Existence

As soldiers on the battlefields, we lived bathed in anxiety. Not only because life was terrible but because we found ourselves condemned to make life and death choices dictating the paths of our lives. The universe had thrown us into this existence, and we became aware of ourselves. Then we became forced to make choices to survive.

The philosopher Soren Kierkegaard said it best: “Where am I? Who Am I? How did I come here? What is this thing called the world? How did I come into the world? Why was I not consulted? And if I am compelled to participate in it, where is the director? I want to see him!”

Even deciding not to make a choice was still a choice. In the end, we became our decisions. And because things did not have meaning, we assigned them values. The significance of our options decided our fate — often, not who we wanted to be. Life as a soldier was not finding ourselves but who we created by our actions.

We were born without essence. By essence, I mean a designed outcome. For instance, a switchblade has a predetermined meaning to what it would become — a concealed blade emerging from an innocuous handle in a split second; otherwise, it would not be a switchblade…