THROUGH THE GAUNTLET — LEADERSHIP AND SURVIVAL IN VIETNAM

We had to go after what mattered. Every step we took meant life, injury, or death. We stayed sharp, but the darkness called us. It was a place where nothing was inevitable, and the answers didn’t come easy.

I believed there was always a way. A way to make it through. But finding it? That was a puzzle that never fit.

When they say it took everything we had, they don’t get it. It took everything and then more. More than we thought we had, more than we should have given.

Maybe luck was with us. But I think we made our luck. Still, impossible things happened, twisted the way we saw it all. In Vietnam, plans meant nothing. What you thought would happen didn’t. Every choice seemed wrong, and we ended up somewhere we didn’t want to be. My leadership? I kept asking myself that. Why did I lead us into disaster? But after a while, I realized all choices were terrible — every single one.

We weren’t better than the others. I thought we were average. I doubted myself, doubted my orders. But we made it through. We survived, and we finished what we started.

As I sit here, my heart races, and my skin crawls. It’s the PTSD. But I’m not asking for pity. I’m not sorry. I did what my country asked of me. That’s all there is to it.

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